As promised, CRIME!
Jeffrey had been on the line with the phone sex operator for 3 days straight, and thought he was finally getting somewhere with her when he died of acute dehydration. He didn't realize she was a recording. It took paramedics 12 hours and a gallon of industrial solvent to unstick him from the desk.
Ben Franklin called, he wants to know why you're using his fucking phone.
Luckily, he's dead, so I don't really care.
Corpse looting!
Oooh, a key! To his Bimmer! Sim simma!
I should steal from him some more.
Good place for it, I suppose. Let's take that.
HAW.
I could also break both my legs and never get to drive that dead guy's sweet car. PASS.
GLORIOUS.
I kind of think the dead guy was weirder, but yeah, chairs are pretty weird. I guess.
Trying to steal the jars, and being DENIED. The game lets you steal every other useless piece of shit you come across, but somehow jars are beneath you.
Empty capsules I find in the trash can are totally cool though, despite essentially being TINY EDIBLE JARS.
MAYBE I CAN PRESERVE TINY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES IN THEM.
"Let's put the obvious torture chair right next to the window. The light there is just lovely."
If you go to Dr. Giggles, maybe.
I don't care, where do you want to go, elevator?
Based on the angle of the wall here, I'm not sure I believe we're actually inside the elevator.
Morning, Johnson.
"Oh hey Bob, what's up with the elevator doors in your office?"
"...It's wall art."
"Really? But I saw Dave coming out of them the other day. Hey what're you doing with that knife, Bob come on, hey, HEY NOOOOOOO"
Back at the fire escape, we make that 9 foot hop down, break both our legs and die, alone and rat chewed in this desolate, brightly lit alley.
Luckily, a skirt happens by.
pay Joey a visit, but I only found his car, so I put a little something under the hood, something to even the score.
It's lucky I ran into you, I have a "surprise" for you in my purse. Wait while I pull it out.
Exciting as that sounds, my attempts to TAKE, USE, and OPEN were denied, so HIT it is.
Yeah! Take that, unarmed woman! I may not remember myself yet, but I'm liking my style so far.
I steal $20 and Gun 2 from her, both of which are pretty useless.
I also steal her cosmetic case, which is essential for a flawless matte finish.
I didn't ask, but OK. Actually, this is the car we got the key to earlier.
Just gonna cross grand theft auto off my list here...likin' myself more and more!
I steal a snapshot, a note, and a map from the glove compart- I mean, DASHBRD.
The note says the car belongs to the mysterious Joey Siegel, and the map is to his apartment. The photo is a little more interesting.
...Betty Crocker?
I guess this is one of those Flinstone style BMWs.
I know that chick told me she left a "little surprise" under the hood to even that score, buuuuuut. Releasing the hood sounds so fucking exciting, I CAN'T RESIST!!!!!
I'm pretty sure Exploding Hood Release is not the oldest trick in the book.
But it was exciting, I'll grant you that.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Next time we add B&E to our list of felonies, and maybe a little more theft and a nice assault cherry on the top of our custard of crime.
Jeffrey had been on the line with the phone sex operator for 3 days straight, and thought he was finally getting somewhere with her when he died of acute dehydration. He didn't realize she was a recording. It took paramedics 12 hours and a gallon of industrial solvent to unstick him from the desk.
Ben Franklin called, he wants to know why you're using his fucking phone.
Luckily, he's dead, so I don't really care.
Corpse looting!
Oooh, a key! To his Bimmer! Sim simma!
I should steal from him some more.
Good place for it, I suppose. Let's take that.
HAW.
I could also break both my legs and never get to drive that dead guy's sweet car. PASS.
GLORIOUS.
I kind of think the dead guy was weirder, but yeah, chairs are pretty weird. I guess.
Trying to steal the jars, and being DENIED. The game lets you steal every other useless piece of shit you come across, but somehow jars are beneath you.
Empty capsules I find in the trash can are totally cool though, despite essentially being TINY EDIBLE JARS.
MAYBE I CAN PRESERVE TINY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES IN THEM.
"Let's put the obvious torture chair right next to the window. The light there is just lovely."
If you go to Dr. Giggles, maybe.
I don't care, where do you want to go, elevator?
Based on the angle of the wall here, I'm not sure I believe we're actually inside the elevator.
Morning, Johnson.
"Oh hey Bob, what's up with the elevator doors in your office?""...It's wall art."
"Really? But I saw Dave coming out of them the other day. Hey what're you doing with that knife, Bob come on, hey, HEY NOOOOOOO"
Back at the fire escape, we make that 9 foot hop down, break both our legs and die, alone and rat chewed in this desolate, brightly lit alley.Luckily, a skirt happens by.
pay Joey a visit, but I only found his car, so I put a little something under the hood, something to even the score.It's lucky I ran into you, I have a "surprise" for you in my purse. Wait while I pull it out.
Exciting as that sounds, my attempts to TAKE, USE, and OPEN were denied, so HIT it is.
Yeah! Take that, unarmed woman! I may not remember myself yet, but I'm liking my style so far.
I steal $20 and Gun 2 from her, both of which are pretty useless.I also steal her cosmetic case, which is essential for a flawless matte finish.
I didn't ask, but OK. Actually, this is the car we got the key to earlier.Just gonna cross grand theft auto off my list here...likin' myself more and more!
I steal a snapshot, a note, and a map from the glove compart- I mean, DASHBRD.The note says the car belongs to the mysterious Joey Siegel, and the map is to his apartment. The photo is a little more interesting.
...Betty Crocker?
I guess this is one of those Flinstone style BMWs.
I know that chick told me she left a "little surprise" under the hood to even that score, buuuuuut. Releasing the hood sounds so fucking exciting, I CAN'T RESIST!!!!!
I'm pretty sure Exploding Hood Release is not the oldest trick in the book.But it was exciting, I'll grant you that.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.Next time we add B&E to our list of felonies, and maybe a little more theft and a nice assault cherry on the top of our custard of crime.
