The 4th floor is just the boss room, so this is the last real floor, and it has some excitement in store, I'm sure.
First thing's first though: some unfinished business from the first floor.
We can FINALLY get into this room. Climbing in and out of the well, getting the hammer so we can get the saw, so we can fight all the crappy bosses, all that shit for a lousy 15 bucks. Sigh.
The door leads to a store, where we get the blimp, which just lets you fall more slowly. Which is actually pretty useful, so ok.
OH DAMN. IT. Naturally, the store's entrance is on the 3rd floor, but somehow defying all laws of physics and common sense, the exit is on the 1st floor.
So after trekking back up to the 3rd floor, we enter our first room, this tacky grape-and-avocado box of ugly.
I actually find it kind of interesting that all the rooms seem to have been designed by the colorblind. There's no logical reason for it; plenty of 8-bit games are quite pleasant to look at. No, this is most decidedly the work of people who want you to suffer, and in every way possible.
Once again, info that would be so much more useful if I had any idea what they were talking about. Even assuming I knew there was a tower in my future, 'trap' is pretty fucking vague. Speed trap? Admiral Ackbar trap? What are we talking about here?
Also, shouldn't that be 'west tower'? What if he means stage left, and I'm coming at it audience left? I foresee many problems with this entire operation.
WHAT ABOUT IT, MOTHERFUCKER????
BTW, there's only one elevator, and you don't actually need this to get to the top of the elevator shaft. But it's cool, since I know you wanted to grind yourself crazy in the one room in the entire game that has reclaimable money, since you're wasting all you have on useless crap. Also, way to spell 'lose' wrong, buddy.
This room is mostly just evil trapdoors, which drop you the instant you touch them- no hopping off before they fall. Also, as you may have noticed, this is just an even lazier version of the 'hudson' room from level 2. I guess thinking up as many as 7-10 unique rooms for a video game is asking a bit much. So let's get out of here before I lose my damned mind.
While all rooms in the game are replayable, this is the only one with regenerating money. Which means you'll be seeing a lot of it. Especially since only $11 or so is actually recoverable.
It's a pretty standard i.e. poorly designed and terribly colored level, but it has my favorite villains of the whole game, the little Hekkyl and Jekkyl crows, and the Cubone dudes. So that's alright. Plus the weird green paneling on the walls reminds me of a 70's rec room, so I feel rather at home here.
Right-o, I'll keep that in mind if I see him. Assuming, of course, someone tells me who that is. I'm just gonna assume he's the Musicland version of The Highlander and look for a dude in a loincloth.
Hey, that's fairly straightforward! THERE MUST BE A CATCH. Is 'crown and cane' code for something? 'Cause the only things I can think of that fit the description are things I really hope it's not.
I feel like there must be some secret room somewhere where the missing half of all these clues are. Things like 'you'll find the waterpot I mention in the lower left-hand corner of the room with the ice blocks." I'm all for solving puzzles, but I'm also all for puzzles where you have most, if not all the pieces to work with. Handing me confetti and calling it a puzzle does not good game make.
Hmm. This is different.
You have to shoot your way through the Albino Twizzler Forest to get to the other side of the room.
Where you find a floating door! I'm down with this room so far.
And here's the 'elevators' we paid $35 to ride. You can also get to the door just as easily, and much quicker, by jumping off the top Twizzler and holding 'UP'.
So let's see what totally worthwhile things we wasted our money to get to.
Alrighty, I'll keep my eyes peeled. But isn't it dangerous to make me paranoid about a phony princess without telling me how to tell the fake from the real one, preferably before I blast it?
Oh well, I'm sure it'll be no problem.
What's that? My bubble? My god man, have you lost your senses?? THIS IS A USEFUL ITEM!
Our new bubble cuts the number of hits you have to score on the bosses in half, which is really really really important, since boss fights are tedious and difficult enough as is.
I grab the bonus box in this room, since it's an easy one. You'll notice the further you progress in the game, the more of the little dudes have instruments. This doesn't affect the difficulty of the bonus in any way, and doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but there you are. Just in case you were wondering.
If you've got the time and patience, you can bubble out the entire right-hand side of the screen. I don't recommend it, though, as all you get is some insultingly unnecessary direction.
Let's get out of here. The key is surprisingly convenient this time, considering all the horrible places it could be hidden. Is the game getting soft on us?
Of course not, don't ask such stupid questions. We hit up the right tower next, entering through the solid brick wall, and not the window, which somehow spits us out on the 1st floor. Damn space-time anomalies. They really need to get someone up here to look at that.
We drop down into an ice room first.
The blocks melt out from under you as you touch them, and you can't move side to side, so unless you're exceptionally lucky there's really no good way to get to the honeycomb on your first trip through here.
Lucky thing we don't need it. Cheating was invented for games like this. Also, not being able to move from side to side means you'd better not pick a row with stone at the bottom, or you're stuck. You see, this is special ice which only melts from the top down.
At the bottom we drop through a trapdoor into an electrified room. Seems like installing live wires in a room full of ice would be violate some building codes, but I guess the inspector was easily bribed.
At the bottom of this room is yet another bland, same-y boss fight.
Which is easily won. They really didn't waste their energy designing these things.
I guess if you make the first 3/4 of your game punishingly impossible, you can just knock off for margaritas those last few levels.
And in return for finishing off the last of an endangered prehistoric species, we get the canteen! Time to head back to the room with the fireplace and do some ass kicking!
Oh wait, I forgot we have to play the worst room ever created, first.
You got your basic tower staircase here, you run offscreen on one side, you appear one level down on the other side. Simple. Of course, there's a trick to getting out of here, which is fair enough. What else are you gonna do with a room like this, right?
So we take off running.
And running.
Aaaaaand running. When you finally hit the bottom is when things get dicky.
There's a trapdoor here that sends you back to the top of the room. Still so far, so good. Where things get obnoxious is in the solution to this puzzle.
Once you get back to the top, it's up to you to somehow divine the solution, which of course hinges on hidden blocks and random-bubble-throwing.
You need to knock out these three bricks, then jump through the hole they create. But, you have to do it on your second run through the room. They won't be there any other times, meaning it's death for you if you accidentally pass the first screen on your second run through the room. Also, this is never mentioned anywhere. Fun times!
And we're treated to another recycled boss, this time the Taz dustball type thing. I think the devs actually believed that by alternating the gargoyle with dirtball guy, we would be fooled into thinking they'd designed more than 3 characters.
The gate in that room dumps us from the sky and through several trapdoors into what may be the most hideous room yet. Paint cans shot at a ceiling fan could have decorated with more harmony and aesthetics than this.
This is yet another room that delights in ruining your life without remorse. If you fall through the invisible trapdoors all the way to the bottom of the room, you have to go back outside the castle and fight your way back through the ice rooms to in here again. So you know, watch out for those invisible trapdoors.
And speaking of invisible, if you didn't buy the paint earlier, the bricks you see here are completely invisible. Not a huge problem, except as usual, they don't exist at all 'till you hit them with a bubble, which is pain in the ass enough when you can see the results of throwing bubbles at every pixel in the room.
Oh hey, finally. You'd better appreciate all the shit I went through to rescue your ass, woman.
Hey what's up, yeah, I know, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming.
OH WHAT IS THIS NOW.
You're actually a giant glowing crow, ok sure why not. Just get back here so I can kill you.
What's interesting about this guy is you can't kill him unless you have the canteen. Why that is, I can't even begin to fathom. I guess since these crows live indoors, they're not used to getting wet.
So this must be the crown Shopkeeper Ripoff mentioned. Which means I'll probably have to get the cane from and equally tedious and bland room. Lookin' forward to it!
The 3rd Floor East Tower somehow deposited me on the west side of the 2nd floor. Huh.
So we trudge back up here again.
Is that a Slowpoke above me?
This is the fireplace. Could also be a outhouse, adobe building, brick
oven, etc etc. I didn't really connect that it was the fireplace 'till
the floating fire dude came out of it.
Hey, haven't I seen him somewhere before..?
Thankfully, we don't actually have to beat him, so let's just hightail it down to the fireplace room.
Aw geez.
Fiiiine, now where to?
This seems unnecessarily arduous. The fire guy, the gargoyle, and now another crow fight? Too many consecutive boss fights to be fair, if you ask me.
Well, that's the last item. Let's end this aggravating game!
IT APPEARS YOU CANNOT, SIR.
Back outside, and in the last room for, oboy, another
gargoyle fight. The bosses all have the exact same attack, the only
thing that varies is the number of hits they can take. You'd think the attack patterns would vary slightly, just to keep it fresh, but nah. 
And here we are! FIIINALLY.
The final fight is actually a series of four connected rooms. One of them will have the real Marihuito, and the other three, fake ones. You can play them in any order, but the the real boss is randomly assigned, so whatever.
The rooms are full of crows, who shoot at you as you fight Marshmallow in unpleasantly close confines.
Aright, sweet!
Oh damn. It.
Fine, next room. Some of the rooms have a glove so you can shrink, which is sort of helpful, less surface area and all.
AGAIN? Argh. At least you don't have to kill the crow to advance.
Hokay, third time's the charm.
This wouldn't take nearly so long if I didn't have to wait for him to briefly open his arms to score a hit.
Oh SHIT! EAT IT, YOU SPRAY TANNED WITCH HAT WEARING ELF SHOED JUMPING BEANED SON OF A CROW.
Oboy oboy oboy, after all that aggravation, this ending has gotta be awesome!
WHAT. That? That's it? That's all I get for dealing with the
Incredible Useless Shopkeeper, all the backtracking and rooms that sent
me back down to the bottom of the castle for no good reason? The boring
grinding for money because you didn't tell me what items were useless,
the constant shooting of every available surface in the never-ending
hunt for invisible blocks?Yeah, I guess this is pretty worth it.
Anyway, you can replay the game, with faster, more aggressive enemies, and fewer power-ups, but I can't imagine why you'd want to bother. And if you have literally nothing else happening in your life, you can beat it eight times in a row for a "special" message from the developers. Although I can't imagine any message special enough to be worth that kind of insanity.
